I have been such a selfish person lately. Take that back, who knows how long I've been being selfish. I withhold so much kindness from everyone, even though there are so many people who are very deserving of it, and who flat out need it. The only time I let it out is when I feel like I will gain something from acting nice...and I hate that. What a waste of effort...and thought...to only do such things in hopes that things will get better for you. How can I be so un-genuine? Why does it take the knees of a falling man with tears down his face and a broken heart in his chest to make me push all my selfishness aside to make my focus switch completely; to only caring that he's ok regardless of what happens elsewhere, to go running to his aide? That's too close of a call...action should have been taken sooner. Instead...I battle with my head about how to make people happy so that they can make me happy in return...it shouldn't be like that. That second step shouldn't even be there.

Even now...what am I doing? Writing a blog about how I feel selfish, but am I doing this in hopes of spelling it out to myself? More than likely, it's being written to get some recognition from whomever actually reads this...and isn't that being selfish too? I shouldn't want pity. I want to write 'I don't want pity" but I'm not completely sure myself that that's the truth...

Kindness should be a bigger part of us. This whole not caring about others is a waste of time, even as I do it I know this to be true. I'm going to try to be better, in all ways. I need to be better for people, because if I am capable of doing this, then I should give it away freely and plenty.